It's been a while. I miss this blogging thing. I read my old live journal the other day. It was dreadful. You know the whiny emo i hate my life, no one loves me bit. I always wrote about the same thing. I promise not to do that with this blog. I have been thinking lately about what I want to post. However, the problem is time. I have no time. The world has decided secretly to skip hours at a time. Even now, I have class at ten. I need to still take a shower, and it's already 2:07 am. So, when I do have time, the subject ran away into the abyss, never to flutter through my mind again. I guess it's alllll about inspiration. Currently I have none. I feel like a blank canvas. In a bad way, in a I have no opinions about anything way. Well it's been five months. five. Incredible, in a bad way. I can't believe it. I tried to forget about it today by watching five hours of "Secret Life of the American Teenager". It worked, a little. I hate spending days like these alone. I guess I need the time to myself sometimes, but it makes me realize how badly I miss my friends and family. It makes me realize that I will always be alone. Even when I'm with someone. I guess I expect that someone will swim into my life and save me from drowning. Alex told me that won't happen. I believe him.

Wow, I guess I just thought for a little that I was writing in my livejournal.
Sorry nothing profound tonight.

XOXO

Unhealthy

I think I've watched/read/or listened to anything twilight related way too much. WAY too much. It's unfortunate that I spend most of my time with something that has nothing to do with college, while exams are lurking in every corner. I've decided that this just became unhealthy. Of course I do too many things that are unhealthy. For instance, cigarettes. I'm not saying that I smoke a pack a day, but when shim told us to press some muscle near your jugular, it hurt. I guess it has to do with your lungs. Good. I would also say that my sleeping, eating, and other daily habits aren't very healthy. Wow, I just sounded like I meant daily hygiene. That's good, I swear. Moving on. I dyed my hair again. It's black. I'm almost certain it will fade again. Oh well. I almost like that it fades, I get to change my hair color without soaking my hair in chemicals. That, may I add, is also extremely unhealthy. On a different note I start working tomorrow. Although I can't complain that I will be making money, I thoroughly enjoyed being lazy. Oy, Add that to the unhealthy list, laziness. Although, I guess walking from one end of campus to the other (1.6 miles) multiple times a day, doesn't add to the laziness, especially when your humanities professor let's you out of class 7 mins late, and your next class a mile and a half away starts in 3 mins, and the t just left. That's my favorite part of my thursday's actually. I love Wex, but seriously, the classroom is not a party, and I don't like being late.

Well, I'm going to read Midnight Sun.
Good.

XOXO
Alysse Nicole.

Questionable.

I guess I just need somewhere to write. It's supposed to be therapeutic. I need therapeutic. I'm not one to write in a diary, so I guess this will do. I've always wished I could write well. I have a friend that can write fluidly about any topic, and it always sounds amazing. I guess writing is a talent. No matter how many words you write, or how many sentences you string together in your life, your just good or bad. I feel like it's more than that. In order to write well, you have to observe, listen, smell, taste, see, feel. You have to take all those thoughts, all the sights, all the smells, and tastes and feelings and convey what you experienced through words on a piece of paper, or in this case, a computer screen. It's very hard. But do I even have any experiences to share? That's questionable. Lately alot has been questionable. Every morning, I can't decifer reality from my dreams. I have to convince myself that I am awake, and I'm not dreaming. This hasn't been making much sense to me. There isn't much in my life right now that would even be worthy of dreaming. In fact, my dreams have been nightmares. Scary really. But he's in them, and happy. And that scares me, because he's gone, and I guess it's easier to forget about him. But then again, I don't forget. Everyday he pops up in my mind. I learned about thought control today in Psych, I tried it, It's bullshit. How can you stop thinking about something, you can't, you just think about it more. And some people use this as self medication for substance abuse. It seems that you would need an incredible amount of self control, but why would you have substance abuse if you had this amount of self control. Maybe that's it. The people who have this self control do not have substance abuse problems to start. Oh man, I thought about him again. See, doesn't work. Well, I guess it's time to fall into dream state, tonight I will dream of bunnies, flowers, and everything else happy.

Documenting Life Day One.
Alysse Nicole