Questionable.

I guess I just need somewhere to write. It's supposed to be therapeutic. I need therapeutic. I'm not one to write in a diary, so I guess this will do. I've always wished I could write well. I have a friend that can write fluidly about any topic, and it always sounds amazing. I guess writing is a talent. No matter how many words you write, or how many sentences you string together in your life, your just good or bad. I feel like it's more than that. In order to write well, you have to observe, listen, smell, taste, see, feel. You have to take all those thoughts, all the sights, all the smells, and tastes and feelings and convey what you experienced through words on a piece of paper, or in this case, a computer screen. It's very hard. But do I even have any experiences to share? That's questionable. Lately alot has been questionable. Every morning, I can't decifer reality from my dreams. I have to convince myself that I am awake, and I'm not dreaming. This hasn't been making much sense to me. There isn't much in my life right now that would even be worthy of dreaming. In fact, my dreams have been nightmares. Scary really. But he's in them, and happy. And that scares me, because he's gone, and I guess it's easier to forget about him. But then again, I don't forget. Everyday he pops up in my mind. I learned about thought control today in Psych, I tried it, It's bullshit. How can you stop thinking about something, you can't, you just think about it more. And some people use this as self medication for substance abuse. It seems that you would need an incredible amount of self control, but why would you have substance abuse if you had this amount of self control. Maybe that's it. The people who have this self control do not have substance abuse problems to start. Oh man, I thought about him again. See, doesn't work. Well, I guess it's time to fall into dream state, tonight I will dream of bunnies, flowers, and everything else happy.

Documenting Life Day One.
Alysse Nicole